1. Take part in the covert organisation of official delegates in smuggling them out of the meetings, into matching t-shirts, past numerous caravans of military and police, into awaiting jeepneys and breaking through the police lines (5 officers deep) at a public rally where "foreigners would be deported".
2. Devise a way to outsmart the security measures (scanned barcode ID cards) at the Government meeting not once, but five times. Make the most of this little weakness by taking advantage of free massages for government officials, schmooze opportunities and excellent free food at dinner and lunch banquets - complete with beach-side/pool-side fireworks show and free tour offers.
3. Wander aimlessly around town and through endless neighborhoods and markets drawing sufficient attention as a single, white, woman so as to not dare take out the camera in most places. Laugh later when Mr. Mark Mazo (see below) says "But ma'am, you went there by yourself? You are very lucky, ma'am! Quiapo is full of snatchers!!"
4. Meet a very nice, clearly honest, "good vibe" local - Mr. Mark Mazo - and make a deal to hire him as local tour guide + driver to see the "real" Philippines. Laugh again when Mark tells you that 8AM is very late to meet; "we must meet at 5AM!" (Philippino street life seems to suggest they are early risers...)
5. Head to Lake Taal to see the volcanoes inside the freshwater lake. Lock the doors and fly by all of the many "swindlers" trying to offer us a boat ride out to the volcano ... Mark "I will protect you from the swindlers!"
6. Hire a boat to take us out to the volcano; hire horses to take us up the volcano, then peek down the hole of the crater curiously realising there is another lake with another island inside the volcano, where people swim in the sulfuric hot spring.
7. Drink buko (young coconut), eat buko, buy buko pie ... and drive some 300 kilometers through small Philippino towns of all kinds, being amazed by the sheer number of children everywhere and the fact that even the poorest looking hut houses had TVs flashing from inside.
8. Get stuck in Friday + All Soul's Day traffic ... amid jeepneys, tricycles, scooters, cars, bicycles, honking horns and sickening pollution. Realise there is no way in hell that you will be getting to the airport in time for your flight.
9. Mark Mazo: "Don't worry, ma'am, I will get you there!". Take on oncoming traffic, put on the flashers, honk incessantly, pour on the speed when you can and be terribly stuck in traffic yet again. Definitely missing your flight.
10. Mark Mazo pulls a new trick: Push all of the motorcycles out of the way, head straight into on-coming traffic, honk even more incessantly, put your whole body out the window and start screaming urgently "Emergency! Emergency!" Only later to add for the traffic controller "She's a United Nations Delegate (N.B. far from it, in fact); it's an emergency; I must get her to the airport!!" And, like the parting of the seas, traffic moves aside, our tires peel out and we arrive at the airport ... 40 minutes before flight departure.
11. Mark Mazo: "I hope you will never forget our eventful day, ma'am". No time soon, for sure ...
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